Yo momma's so dumb she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W&Ws

Hey ladies and gentlemen,

I am exhausted. I'm exhausted because I am finally a stupid grown up. I work and work and work then I rush and rush and rush. I am 6 cup sizes and one ugly pair of pants away from being my mom. I worked today from 8:45-2. Remember how we were busier than a Florida Kroger during a hurricane warning? Well, everyone must have been eating the other half of their 5 dollar footlong today because like 5 people came in the whole shift. Sounds good right? WRONG! Because now Jordan and I must find things to do, like cleaning the cookie holder. It's easy, don't get me wrong, but OO the temptation. I felt like Eve. The green sugar cookie was screaming, "EAT ME," but my boss in the back of my mind saying, "UNEMPLOYMENT." So I didn't eat it, even though the paper said "Clean out the cookie holder." Wouldn't cleaning it out TECHNICALLY mean getting rid of the cookies too? (PS: I was in no way comparing my boss to God in the Eve reference..BAHA..I just laughed out loud at the thought. Good guy...yea, but God...ehh..not quite.)

So after work, I had to rush to Delphos to celebrate Lillian's birthday with my 2 favorite children on earth, and no I am not saying this because I know you're reading Valerie. Believe it or not, Lillian and Sebastian are my 2 favorite children ever. For those of you who don't know who I am speaking of, I am talking about Colin's niece and nephew. Anyways, Lillian's 5th birthday was today. She greeted me with a thumb war. She is queen of thumb wars; she always beats me. (I let people think I let her beat me, but the truth is...she has really strong thumbs.) I beat her in staring contests though, but that's only because she forgets to breath too. Sebastian is my other boyfriend, but it's ok because he is cheating on me with Steph, Colin's brother's fiance. He HAD to show me his room in his new house (I think he was just trying to get me in his room..GOO..that was wrong..he's four), but he was so proud. And even though he yells everything he says to the point where the veins in his neck stick out, I still enjoy every conversation I have with him. Another small child with a cut on the bridge of her nose was following us around. I wondered where she got the cut, but then I heard her fall down a few steps and realized she was me...just 16 years younger. I love the children ever so much, even if Colin thinks I am faking it. And shout out to Valerie for the kick butt cake; it was a hamburger..I'm pretty sure I saw Rachel Ray peaking in the window to try to take some lessons.

Quote of the day from Lillian: "I'm painting a multi-colored rainbow!"

P.S.: While Lillian and Sebastian are my favorite children, I would like to make it clear that Phoenix Tucker is, in fact, my favorite SMALL child. He cannot yet tell me about his amazing artistic skills or use me as a human jungle gym, so he still falls into the category of SMALL child.

Keep Letting It Be,
Em