Happy Mother's Day,
Speaking of which, I am pretty sure a lady at Dollar General today thought I was the mother of my 9 year old sister (I'm 19). See Jenny, or "Knower of the Nipples" (you're really becoming intrigued on why men have nipples aren't you?), was being what I call a boob in the store, meaning she was touching all this crap that she shouldn't be touching and just being an annoying piece of garbage. So like the good citizen I am, I grabbed the top of her head and said, "Hey BOOB! Quit being a BOOB!" and this woman looked at me and said, "Happy Mother's Day, ay?" I was like, "Uhh yea...you too." That was about as awkward as the time I was de-pantsed in front of the wrestling team my sophomore year (when I was chunky) and proceeded to say, "O what a breeze!" instead of pulling them up.
Anyways, so today was Mother's Day, and let me just say I have the greatest mother in the world. She just rocks..and that's really all I can say. It's something I can't even joke about because she is JUST THAT KICKIN!
At church this morning, we did communion. Can I just say that I really enjoy going to church. Since I am on my "no joking" kick, I am going to tell you that church is so liberating...in a constricting sort of way. So many people who genuinely care about each other is really hard to come by these days, and it is such a breath of fresh air. EWWW, I was serious for like five whole sentances...let's stop. Back to communion...in past communions, we have had this chiclet looking piece of bread. I'm sure it made me constipated even though it was the size of a chiclet. Basically, I think that someone ordered special communion bread and when it got shipped to the church, they accidently put the packing peanuts in the bowls instead. But today ladies and gentlemen, WE GOT REAL BREAD! Like I wanted to eat the whole basket...now call me blasphemous for complaining about communion bread, but eating a chiclet size packing peanut is not the best thing at 10:22 in the morning. Maybe if I had a rice sized piece of cheese to go on my chiclet sized packing peanut...I don't know...but I do hope that this real bread thing carries on...because I don't like to be constipated.
I also baked today. While were on the topic of religion, I am a religious baker. I am a giant, athletic she-man, but I freaking love to bake. I have realized that my arch nemesis in life is flour. It is the most annoying baking element in the world. At least when I drop an egg, it looks cool. It like oozes out of the cracks, and you can't really clean it up. So when nipple knower comes sprinting into the kitchen and hits the slippery patch, she wipes out like a grandma without a walker on a sheet of ice. Flour, on the other hand, just gets all over. Aside from looking like snow, it's stupid. I hate flour. That's that. So if you want to get my a Christmas, Hannukah, or Kwanza (I am an equal oppurtunity holiday celebrater) present....DO NOT GET ME FLOUR!
K thanks. I must get up at the squiggle of dawn so I can get my five miles in before my first day at SUBWAY..eating fresh peeps!
Keep Letting It Be,
Em
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