"Ask Me After I Have A Pizza" Miss Michigan

And I am proud to be an American where women who trip and have weird veins on their forhead are declared to be the MISS who will represent all the MISSES of the country,

Yes, I just watched Miss USA. I couldn't compete like I was supposed to because there is a video of me kicking a dog saved on someone's cell phone, and Donald Trump was worried it would get out...so I let the first runner up of Miss Ohio take my place. In case you weren't watching, Miss Michigan won. You may believe I am simply being bias because I am a Buckeye. OH-IO. However, Miss Michigan did not only trip (she didn't fall though..which would have automatically caused me to root for her..clumsy women of the world unite!!), but she also gave some jumbled up answer about birth control and looked right into the camera and said, "It's expensive." We need world peace, not birth control, hasn't she ever watched Miss USA before? And my favorite part of the pageant did not disappoint. I love it when they announce the winner. Not because it's beautiful that some woman's dream has come true, but it's because it is the only time i get to see the "O my goodness I have to poop" pose. Watch any pageant. As soon as a girl finds out she has won, she first grabs her nose like she accidently let a fart go, and it was really stinky. Then she bends over and grabs her stomach like the cheese cube she ate before the pageant is going right through her. And finally, she covers both her nose and her mouth after she realizes she did, in fact, poop her pants.

However before I watched an uncoordinated, contraceptive loving Michiganite win the title of Miss USA, I had quite the eventful day. First, well not first but it was the first eventful thing, I went to the final concert in the performing arts center. Yes, I cried like a baby. It is just so sad to think that a stage that me, my mom, and my late grandma have graced will be torn down. But more exciting than that was the quote by Todd Shellabarger as we entered the house after the last perfomance IN..key word IN..the performing arts center. "That concert was good. But, why didn't they have it in the gym? They would have had so much more room." Umm hi dad!! Have you been alive for the last say uhhh 46 years of your life to realize that it is usually good to have a final concert of a performing arts center IN the actual performing arts center..maybe I am crazy.

Following the concert, my boyfriend, brother, Taylor, Brittany, and I headed to Mexico. Ok not real Mexico, I am too cheap for a passport. But we went to the next best thing, XCaret. Where salads are small and creepers are..well..everywhere. I would just like to tell you that Taylor ordered a guacamole salad. A $3.25 guacamole salad. For $3.25, she got the floor sweepings of lettuce from the kitchen, a tablespoon of guacamole, and a tomato that was smaller than the gumballs in the gumball machines (which were perfectly delicious..I chewed two of them). She may have gotten ripped off, but my vegetarian dish was delish! Needless to say, we didn't leave a tip...and I smuggled some chips out in my hood. Ok, I didn't because I didn't have a hood...but I really thought about it. They may not be able to pronounce any words right, but dang can they make an appetizing tortilla chip. I have thought about marrying one of them simply so they could make me tortilla chips for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and every special occasion (including secretary's day.)

Well, I keep having this sharp pain in my shoulder..I may be dying. So I am going to go die on the toilet...picture this..."911...What's your emergency?" "My daughter...she is dead..on the toilet..and she is wearing her favorite pants!" If you ever come across me dead..on the toilet..please pull up my pants...thanks.

Keep Letting It Be,
Em