The light from this computer is causing a million little indians who reside in my head to shoot blow darts into the back of my eyeballs,
Yes, my friends, you are witnessing extreme dedication. Right now, I have a migraine (well it's not a technical migraine because it's never been "diagnosed," but if this isn't Mr. Migraine...well I never want to meet him) that is so bad I thought about running into the road and letting a cement truck run over my left leg while having my right leg waxed with hot lava just to take my aching mind off the pain that it is experiencing. But, I promised a blog a day, so here goes nothing. If it begins to not make sense, I am either a) seizing, b) dead, or c) playing Spider Solitaire (I freaking love that game; I have like a 65% win average..suck on that!). Chances are it's "a" or "b" though.
So, this pain. Well let me tell you, it starts right behind my poop-brown eyes, travels down my esophagus, dances with spiked tap shoes into my shoulders, jackhammers down my back, shoots b-b's into my hips, and rolls down my legs with pain that could be compared to replacing your toilet paper with sand paper after you have eaten Mexican food that was laced with Ex-Lax (gosh I hope you never experience that, I should have just used paper towels). But, I still went to work because, let's be honest, if Subway is not running at peak performance, well, NATO, the UN, the White House, and the Dali Llama will all stop functioning.
On my way to work, I realized my car REALLY needs cleaned out. You see, I have a cooler, a baby doll, a map, crutches, rollerblades, teddy grahams, a Subway apron, and a baby pool in my car. I thought about cleaning my car out when I got home, but then I realized 1) my head hurt too bad and 2) it really should NOT be cleaned out. I will not clean it out because if I ever drive into a tree and then roll into the ocean (trees COULD grow on the beach!), I could use the baby pool to float to the safety of a nearby island, then use the map of Ohio to know how far it is from Springfield to Cleveland (just in case an iguana or something wants to know), then I could create a tourniquet with my apron for the leg that I broke so that I can then rollerblade in the sand to a cave where I can use my crutches to build a tent that will keep me dry during the tsunami as my beating heart that fell out during the accident stayed cool in the cooler until rescue arrived. The baby doll..uhh..I could burn that and use it for smoke signals..all while munching on delicious teddy grahams. So no matter how much my mom tells me to, I will NEVER clean out my car!
When I don't feel good, I am quite the morbid soul...sorry for that. I hope that no one ever has a headache like this..and if you do, a cement truck filled with hot lava drives by your house so that you can distract yourself. O NO HERE COMES DEATH!!! It looks like Alex Trebeck......donuts..mmm...I must be in heaven....o no..there isn't any milk to go with my donut..maybe it is hell....
Keep Letting It Be,
Em
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