I Could Probably Eat Some Scrabble Pieces and Poop Out a Better Blog (if I had an appetite)

Hello those of you who do not have a headache as bad as mine,

I know you do not have a headache as bad as mine because I know you would not choose to stare at a computer screen that makes your eyes feel like they are being used as bouncy balls by a giant on shards of broken glass. I am going to apologize for this blog already because I am not in any condition to write a blog, or to be alive for that matter. I have been awake for a total of about 4 hours today. 2 were my attempt at working, 1 was to go to the doctor, and the 2 I was just awake were to watch the Biggest Loser. So I am barreling through this and attempting to be as eloquent as possible.

So Biggest Loser, I tiptoe around this subject because I am so inspired by this show. However, I do find it funny that this show gives me the urge to eat. Here I am watching these extraordinarily large people transform their lives and all I want to do is eat an entire jar of peanut butter. And that is WITH a horrible headache and viral infection. I think I want to eat just to make Jillian Michaels angry. She doesn't know me, and she doesn't care. But I want to eat just to spite her. If I were on that show...well one I would be 250 more pounds..but also, I would eat...and I would eat...I would cover the weight bench in peanut butter and eat it. Just to make Jillian angry. And for dessert, I would eat her! That would show her...I'm a little hostile towards her ever since she said she doesn't want to have children because she doesn't want to mess up her body. UMM HELLO?!?! Your profession is a personal trainer...there have been plenty of women who have created rockin bodies after having a child...I would really hope you could too.

Anyways, I am really pulling for things to write about since I have slept about 80 percent of the day, but I also realized that my life depends on timing. And it's bad timing. You see, I am pretty sure today was, "Bring Your Screaming Child To The Doctor For A Booster Shot" day today. Yes, I still go to a pediatrician; I am dainty. Anyways, so I am laying on this paper covered, four foot long bed waiting and waiting for the doctor to give me some drugs so I can at least open my eyes. The first child to start screaming kind of sounded like his leg was being chopped off or something. No joke, this child screamed for about 20 minutes and never missed a beat. I would have been very impressed had each scream not felt like there was a meat pounder being taken to my temple. That child finally stopped; I feel like a lollipop was involved..or maybe a muzzle. I closed my eyes and thought that I would finally have at least four seconds of relief..then child number two started screaming. Not only was this child screaming, but it was screaming AND running down the hallway. So I opened the door, chased the child down, gave it its booster shot, slapped on a Dora sticker, and handed the child to his distressed mother. Okay that was a lie, I just laid there and complained...but I really would have done it if I weren't scared of needles and nearing death.

K, that's the best I can do. My apologies for the garabage that you just read. I promise when my brain is not a scolding pot of brocolli soup, I will provide a blog that is actually worth reading.

Keep Letting It Be,
Em