Thunderstorms Are Fun...When You're Alone With A Bunch Of Veggies....NOT

Heya,

I didn't blog for 2 days. I would like to give you my utmost apologies. My internet connection was half past tofu two days ago, and yesterday, well...let's be honest...I was tired. So I understand if you hate me, but I would LOVE a second chance.

I had a really rough night guys; I'm going to use this blog to vent. First of all, I had to close. Closing is not nearly as fun as opening. When I open, I get to be Oprah Crocker (that's a cross between Oprah and Betty Crocker). I'm Oprah because so many people come in to get subs, and I supply them with things that they enjoy (subs,..not cars like Oprah does), and I am also very personable while doing so (like Oprah). I'm Betty Crocker because I bake batches and batches of delicious cookies and bread that inmates on death row call and ask to have for their last meals (it's just that good). When I close, however, I am simply a glorified janitor (cleaning windows, bathrooms, ovens, blah, blah blah!!).

To top off the wonderfulness of closing, Mother Stupidskank Nature (that's really her middle name..I looked it up) decided to toss a little thunderstorm my way. The door in the front decided to blow open and shut while I was in the back doing the dishes. I looked around the store, and of course, no one was there. I tried to convince myself everything was fine, but I watch the news. I know what happens during thunderstorms to young girls who are closing fast food store alone!!! We'll just say I had the giant sub knife/potential kidnapper stabber at hand for the rest of the night.

Other than closing, my day went pretty grand. Colin and I went garage sailing in Lima. Colin bought himself a nice referee shirt...he's not a referee (can't you see why we're in love?). During our garage sailing experience, we witnessed some of the most graceful, pleasant human being in the world. Exhibit A) Woman driving a 1992 gray and rusty minivan was trying to drive the wrong way out of the sub division. The following conversation was carried out between she (we'll call her 'Woman with 2 teeth' ) and the woman who was directing traffic (we'll call her 'Woman with light saber')...Woman with 2 teeth: "I NEED TA GIT OUTTA HUR!!!" Woman with light saber: "U is gunna have ta go round like erybody ls!" 2 teeth: "I AINT GON ROUND!!" light saber: "Thas to bad u is aint got no choice!" 2 teeth: "THIS IS BULL[explicitive]!! BULL[explicitive]!!!" 2 teeth then proceeded to peel out in her rusty excuse of a vehicle yelling words that were either curse words or pig latin (I couldn't tell due to her accent). Exhibit B) "GRANDMA WAIT UP FOR ME!!!!" clump clump CLUMP CLUMP CLUMP...Colin and I thought we were about to be stampeded..just as we dove off the sidewalk a pre teen girl who..let's just say..may or may not have looked like she ate 12 twinkies for breakfast...flew past us in a Phineas and Ferb T-shirt and spandex shorts to catch up with her grandma whom I hope was purchasing a hair brush at one of the garage sales.

I really don't mean to sound mean...I hope people blog about the weird things I do...I am just so fascinated by people. And the things people do in front of other people. Anyways, I'm exhuasted...more tired than constipated plumber..God Bless America!

Keep Letting It Be,
Em