Peace Up: A-Town Down,
I was off today, so I was quite nervous about this blog. You see, the only times I ever have anything interesting to say is when I have spent my day sticking small knives into long pieces of bread. However, today turned out to be more eventful than I had planned. Life is about the little things. People say I'm funny..and they can't believe all this funny stuff happens to me. I think it happens to everyone...we just need to take the moments to take in the little things. Life lessons from Emily! Ehh...you should probably just check out a self help book from the library instead.
Anyways, in regards to the library, I went today. I still have my Ereader...but I have no money. I have no money because...we'll just say that the money I make in a month at Subway would pay for one pair of Donald Trump's underwear, and my boyfriend and sister decided to be born 3 days apart, and the government wants me to celebrate the fact that my father raised me...C'MON PEOPLE! Kidding, I love giving people presents, and I love the people I am giving presents to. The money thing means that I can't buy new books for my Ereader, so I have to check em out old fashion style. I finished "Peter Pan," and I am not a better person because of it. I am now scared of pirates, crocodiles, small children, and Exlax (sometimes I read when I go potty).
The beauty of the library is silence. Who goes into the library and doesn't want to scream at the top of their lungs, "BOOBS!!!" I resisted the temptation to scream "BOOBS" but only because they were doing the kids' summer reading program, and I didn't think that was appropriate. I checked out a book on cross-gendered poetry, hence the title of my blog. No, this is not like dirty poetry. It's actually very interesting; women speaking in the voices of men and vice versa. Sometimes I speak like a man, but my boss says it bothers the customers, so I speak like Lucifer instead.
Today, I also made about 4 trips to Kroger. This is not unusal. We only consider it unusual when we go there more than 10 times a day. I was buying Honey Bunches of Oats, carrot cake, and crunchy peanut butter with my dad and sister. We went to self check out because I have always wanted to be a bag girl. There is something about making sure you don't put the bread at the bottom of the bag that makes me feel like a hero. Jenny thought it would be a cute idea to hit espanol. So, this machine starts screaming at us in Spanish!!! It wasn't a problem because I have the routine of the self checkout memorized (10 trips a day); the problem lied in the fact that EVERYONE IN THE STORE WAS STARING!! We'll just say I don't resemble Dora the Explorer in the slightest bit, so people sort of knew that I wasn't the type to speak espanol. While my sister is urinating herself in glee and my father was just standing there with his mouth half open, I was frantically trying to finish our checking out. It takes A LOT to embarrass me...and this might have been close. Glod Bless America.
My baking project of the day was Peanut Butter Crunch Cake. Carrot cake with peanut butter crunch concoction in the center and smooth peanut butter coating on top. When I got it out of the oven, it looked at me and said, "Thank you for baking me. I am so delicious that I will bring goodness and peace to the entire world" (in the southern drawl of Miley Cyrus..because she will someday save the world). Ok, cakes can't talk..but if they could, that's what mine would have said.
Keep Letting It Be,
Em
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