pffffffff what in tarnations are you doing here?!
I didn't blog for 2 days again. I didn't blog because, on Saturday, a starving child from Malaysia came to my door holding a puppy whose eyes had been infected by rabid squirrels. While I was feeding the child a corndog and cleaning the puppies eyes with q-tips, my roof caved in, and I was forced to drag the child and the dog through the destruction until I made it safely to the road. Then, the three of us were hit by the ice cream truck. We got free ice cream, and it turns out the starving child just lived down the block and forgot to eat breakfast, and the dog had just gotten into some heavy pollen. But, now it's Monday, that was all a lie, and I am ready to blog again.
Well, today I was going to get back on to my healthy eating habit train again. You see, my boyfriend's birthday, father's day, and just loving food has seemed to make me start to get squishy again. So I woke up this morning and said to myself, "EMILY, you are going to give up ice cream for a week!" Ok -that lasted til around 4 pm. Then I said, "EMILY, you are going to give up chocolate for a week!" Alright - that lasted until I made myself some puppy chow. Food and I have a very interesting relationship..actually let's just say junk food. We're kind of like Romeo and Juliet...star crossed lovers. We only meet at night when no one can see us..I can eat just lovely all day..fruit..yogurt...hummus...vegetarian chicken...but once the sun goes down, OOO MAN...we go at it. "But soft! What scent through doorway does my nose smell? It is something to eat...and PUPPY CHOW is the sun!"
So I guess I'll plan to stick with the healthy eating tomorrow. Speaking of delicious food, I watched WWE Pay Per View at Buffalo Wild Wings last night. The people who come to these events are simply delightful. It almost looks like a trailer park vomited into the restaurant. I am by no means judging because guess who hasn't missed one since she started dating Colin? THIS GIRL...but that doesn't mean I can't get my giggles from it. One of my personal favorite people is, who I call, the Underfaker. For those of you who don't follow WWE wrestling, here is the real Undertaker...
It's ok..I'm scared too. Here, my friends..is how I perceive the Underfaker...
The Undertaker picks his teeth with items bigger than the Underfaker, but this man is relentless. He is what my hero, Dr. Phil, would call "FREAKING CRAZY!" God Bless America. And last night, he was extra CRAZY. He may or may not have taken some controlled substances before he came because he kept pacing around like a lion trying to find somewhere to drop a load. Then all of a sudden, he grabbed his knee and made a face that was mixture of pain, anger, and constipation. He proceeded to explain to anyone who would listen that a roof fell in on him 2 weeks ago. WHAT IN LINDSAY LOHAN'S NAME WAS HE DOING ON A ROOF?!?! I hope he's not dead right now because he is the most interesting person I have ever seen in my life.
Keep Letting It Be,
Em
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