"I'll Have A Little Bit of A Lot of Salt and Pepper on the Tomatoes"

Hi friends,

Another uneventful day in the life of Emily Eileen Shellabarger. Summer is becoming quite, dare I say, BORING! So getting stomach ulcers and reading the equivalent of 15 Bibles every night during the school year isn't exactly a cup of Diet Cream Soda, but this workout, work, sleep thing is a Chinese finger trap on your thumb. My day itself was quite boring, but I witnessed and heard an abundance of interesting things throughout this bleh day.

First of all, I witnessed a woman breaking the cardinal sin of both working out and beverage drinking. This is NOT a lie; it's so unbelievable. So I am ellipticalling, sweating like a pig, listening to Lady GaGa, and reading Peter Pan (I have an Ereader and I am currently reading Peter Pan..JUDGE ME!) when a woman comes in wearing spandex capris and a tight pink shirt - she was not an extremely large woman, but my personal opinion is that only professional beach volleyball players should work out in spandex in public. She mounted the elliptical next to me and an aroma of sweet coffee scent filled my nose. I removed myself from Neverland and noticed that she was drinking a CAPPUCINO ON THE ELLIPTICAL!! Was she just planning on strolling through the park?! Because I am pretty sure the elliptical doesn't have a "strolling through the park while drinking a 500 calorie cappucino" setting. She was like an ellipticalling oxymoron. Burning calories, taking them in, burning them, taking them in.

My next two interesting experiences occurred at work. As much as people make me want to stub every toe by drop kicking a pile of bricks, they also make me giddy. Exhibit A) A young boy (probably like 6 years old) came in with his mother. "Hey Johnny (we will call him Johnny), what kind of sub do you want?" "UH I want cucumbers." "I know, but what kind of sub?" "UH..." His deliberation went on for about 3.5 minutes before he decided upon turkey. I then asked him if he wanted anything else but cucumbers and he looked at me and said, "When I put my arm up to the TV, the hairs stick straight up." Children are God's gift to fast food workers. Please, for just one second, imagine your mom looking at the McDonald's cashier and say, "When I do the dishes, my fingers look like prunes." It just wouldn't happen; without children, the life of a fast food worker would simply be full of people who act like the worst thing that has ever happened to them is the fact that you put 6 pickles on their sub instead of 8.

Speaking of decorating a sub, my final interesting occurrence was provided by an adult. I realized that Subway workers must be able to translate each persons' order into, what I call, the Subway Formula of Excellence. You see, my "a bit" may be your "a lot," or Bob saying, "Extra onions," may be Shelly's normal amount of onions. Therefore, I have developed a formula. If it could be written out, it would look something like: word choice + facial reaction upon putting on topping x body mass of customer = Subway Excellence. So far, so good. However, today I had a man who stumped the formula. This formula is difficult to use for salt, pepper, and oregano, so you just have to wing those. Also, this man used the most interesting word choice I have ever heard. "I will have a little bit of a lot of salt and pepper on the tomatoes." HMM..maybe he is dating the ellipticalling oxymoron because "SIR THAT MADE NO SENSE AT ALL!" So I just shook the shaker til it looked right. God Bless America.

Keep Letting It Be,
Em