Apples, Peaches, Pears, and Plums, Line Up When Your Birthday Comes,
Well folks, I have both good news and bad news. The good news is: the lockness monster does, in fact, exist, and I believe I may have found him. The bad news is: HE IS IN MY TOILET! (well plumbing...but my toilet is part of that.) It all started early Thursday morning. I went potty for the third time that night (like usual...I think my bladder stores the equivalent of a Capri Sun) around 4 a.m. I peed, wiped, and flushed. God Bless America. As I was nestled back into my comfy (that's an overstatement; I sleep in the same bed my mom slept in when she was my age) bed, I hear what sounds like a lawn mower. My first thought, "How efficient! Someone is trying to mow their yard at a more eco friendly time of day!" (Global warming people!) Then I realized it was coming from inside the house, and as often as I have begged to have grass planted in the kitchen, it is yet to happen. Ever since then, our toilet makes this OWEIRJWIOSICFEOI sound about 14 seconds after you flush it, and if you sit on the toilet long enough after you flush, it sort of rumbles with the growl (I tried it). Dad says we have an air pocket or something in our pipes. Give me a break! I know it's the lockness monster...but you know...the more I think of it...maybe an air bubble makes sense. It would explain where all the farts go....hmmm....
Anyways, toilets are pretty much stupid anyways. We're always like, "What would I do without indoor plumbing?" I'll tell you what I would do. I would NEVER have to clean up an overflowing toilet in a Subway bathroom!! You see, someone thought that the toilet looked like a much more logical place than the trashcan to toss the very thick paper towels that she dried her hands off with. I was panning bread, and I hear.."EMILY!! EMILY!!!" My coworker was in the women's restroom staring at an overflowing toilet. The water was rising quicker than we could clean it up, so we had to sandbag ourselves into the kitchen using all the footlong pieces of bread. When the water started dissolving the bread, all we could do was cling onto pieces of floating fresh vegetables so we didn't drown. Ok...everything after "at an overflowing toilet" was a lie, but we did have to mop up the overflowed mess. If only we had disposable port-o-potties...that would be a perfect world.
Today, I made the most beautiful Boston Cream Pie, but I am so confused by them. They are made from cake mix...how are they pies? There isn't even a crust. It's like false advertising. I made it because my mom is trying to get my brother to start a diet, and I just love to watch him squirm. What's more tempting than a warm Boston Cream Pake (I'll compromise) with homemade chocolate coating slowly dripping down the sides of a double layered yellow cake that houses a pile of delicious vanilla pudding in the middle. I also made it because it was a double batched recipe, so Colin will finally get to eat some cake that I made (he doesn't get it very often because my family usually demolishes it before he gets it.)
Keep Letting It Be,
Em
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