Greetings anyone who stuck around,
I'm kind of embarrassed. That kind of embarrassed you feel when you haven't seen someone in a really long time and you finally see them again and they're all like, "You owe me $150 a**hole". And the only escape in the situation is to turn around and move your tree trunk legs as fast as they will carry you. Well, I can't run away from you right now because 1) I'm not wearing shoes 2) I'm not wearing pants 3) I just had a lot of dairy. One of those is false. I always wear shoes.
I'm ashamed at how long it's been since I blogged. I absolutely hate excuses; however, I have a darn good one for not writing. Sit down for this; you'll never believe it. Take a deep breath...the reason I didn't write for over a year was: LIFE. Life got in the way. I finished undergrad, graduated with honors, deconstructed forklift motors for a summer (we'll probably talk about that often), and made and unmade a huge professional decision. Now that we got that elephant out of the room...and while were on the topic, HOW THE HELL DID THE ELEPHANT GET IN THE ROOM IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
Now for the fun stuff, I talk about all the absurd things I noticed throughout the day. I'm going to cheat you again by talking about something that happened yesterday, but it's just got me all upset. I've noticed something slightly interesting about life. There's a direct correlation (yes, I'm scientific) between rudeness and intelligence. If you're really intelligent, you're as rude as someone about to go to the bathroom in his or her pants (or lack there of). Now, before you say, "Emily, you went too far with that simile," let's really look at this. I want you to go to a time in your life when you HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. There's no "We'll take the next exit" or "I'll walk to the back of the store"..it's a goosebump-causing, stomach-churning, why-the-hell-did-I-have-gas-station-burritos primal urge to allow something to escape your body. When you're in the midst of that and you're heading for relief, there's no such thing as manners. That 3 year old who was standing too close to the bathroom door, bam...goodnight. That little old lady who needed you to get the peanut butter off the highest shelf, sorry grandma. And you don't apologize either - not until you've rid yourself of those demons. So no, it may not be intentional, but people who are about to do dirty dirty things in their pants are quite rude.
Back to my story, so the really intelligent people think the world owes them something and are, therefore, rude. Really stupid people, well, they just don't understand the ways of the world, so they're even worse than really intelligent people. Again, before everyone gets their shoe laces tangled and yells, "Emily, you're being insensitive. I'm intelligent and I'm relatively polite" or "Don't pick on stupid people." I will say, "I'm intelligent too and am frequently confused for Mother Theresa (too far?)." These are EXTREMES. That means 80% of us fall into the "I can do math without an electronic device and are kinda rude" or "I eat glue and are kinda polite" categories. But that 20%...that 20% would make a priest want to drive his car over kittens.
Colin and I went to Kroger yesterday because we're so broke that we look at food for dinner. I found some spare change in my purse so we got to buy some cheese. While we were waiting for a self-checkout, I spotted them. I am not a person of judgment, so I will only say that I could tell these people were in the said 20%...and they weren't at the top. The employee assisting the self-checkout wasn't pay much attention, so, we'll call her...Rude Ruth, Rude Ruth decided to whistle and snap to get the employee's attention because Rude Ruth couldn't figure out how to self-checkout her tomatoes. Produce is always so darn elusive at self-checkout. Now, I didn't get a good look, but I'm relatively certain the employee only had 2 legs. Which, if I am correct, means she could not possibly be a dog. Rude Ruth, therefore, was not entitled to snap and whistle at this non-doglike creature. Aside from being quite frustrated that Rude Ruth could whistle while only having 2 teeth and I can barely whistle having all my teeth but the half of a molar I just chipped on a Hot Pocket, I was thankful I was merely a bystander and not the employee. Because, the first time someone whistles and snaps at me, I will react as any other creature that was whistled at; I will bark at them, and then proceed to bite Rude Ruth's finger.
Keep letting it be,
Em
