Good day to those of you with access to the world wide web,
Well, here is your second consecutive day of blogging! Yes, my Nobel Peace Prize is on its way. Don't worry. The last blog was WAY too exhausting. It made me realize my life is too eventful to try to cram three days worth of it in one blog.
So...I woke up this morning feeling like Richard Simmons (I usually feel like P Diddy on Tuesdays.) My boyfriend let out the longest, most vibratious (I'm sending that word to Webster. I think it should be on page 567 of the dictionary) fart I have ever heard. He would be so angry if he knew I typed that, so I'm going to post it before he gets back :) We do what every other individual present at Bluffton University who isn't still stuck in a drunken stupor does on a Saturday morning at 11:30 a.m. We went to Marbeck. Dining at it's finest. I had my normal hummus, cheese, and lettuce sandwich, apple, golden grahams, and a delicious oatmeal raisin cookie. Colin had what appeared to be eggs, but may have been attic insulation. Anyways, the more important part of this story. Colin looks at me and says, "I had a dream last night that my phone doubled as a grilled cheese maker." After I stopped drooling at the thought of eating a warm grilled cheese sandwich, I had this beautiful epiphany. But then I forgot it because I remembered I needed coffee. The important part of that story was that my boyfriend does not have dreams about me....but he has dreams about grilled cheese. Should I be worried?
After lunch, I went on a homework binge. It was successful, but my legs felt like running. So I forced my poor boyfriend to workout with me...like usual. I ran my 4 miles and realized I was hungrier than a fat camper who just had his hidden trunk raided by the counselors. And I got my second epiphany of the day..and I REMEMBERED IT TOO!! I wanted to make PIZZA! Colin and I then took Abraham to Findlay to pick up some supplies. Colin made a chicken alfredo pizza, and I had a delicious, heavenly, leave your significant other to live the rest of your life in a closet with an endless supply of this food, vegetarian hummus pizza. This piece of culinary Eden was a crust with tomato basil hummus on it. Then, I covered it with mozzarella cheese and onions. My hands smell like onions, and my farts smell like sulfur, but O MY GOODNESS it was more than worth it.
Then we walked to the dollar store. Colin saw a flower; I looked over and saw a squirrel. I thought the squirrel was a flower. It wasn't.
Now, I depart to watch Harry Potter on a Saturday night. Things get crazy here in Bluffton.
Keep Letting It Be,
Em
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Fresh From the Uterus
Greetings those who have nothing better to do but read what I'm thinking,
First of all, my apologies for such my long absence. However, I feel when you read my adventure of the last couple days you will cut me a little slack. As I mentioned in my dream blog, I was feeling quite under the weather. I diagnosed myself with pnyomia (that's pneumonia for all of you who don't speak the text language of MYBROTHER.) God bless him, but he can't spell. AND he is the asthmatic wussy who gave it to me. Anyways, I had to miss classes and got behind and blogging seemed to fall farther and farther on my list of things to do. (It never got below eating meat though...don't worry.)
Now for the good stuff. There is a lump of flesh, guts, blood, and bones present on this earth that was not present on Monday. My boyfriend's sister gave birth to a new (have you ever heard of a used?) baby girl on Tuesday morning. We, of course, HAD to visit. She was a beautiful small child, and let's be frank (or you can be Joseph or Lyle or even Candace), some small children are really ugly. Kind of like a Hot Pocket right out of the microwave. You gotta let it sit for a bit so it can get to where you actually enjoy it. If you try to enjoy it too soon, GOO!! (awful analogy...but some babies make me want to burn my mouth.) So, this beautiful small child had only one problem....she made this face. The "OH MY GOODNESS WHO FARTED?!?!" face. Which was quite hilarious, but I'm worried about when she gets older. I don't want people to think that she thinks they stink.
As if a new human being wasn't eventful enough, I was then blessed with pnyomia. So being the baby I am, I ventured home (yes, I got picked up from college by MY MOM!). My car, Abraham, has been broken since my trip to Pittsburgh over break, but to my EXTREME ELATION, he was all well when I got home. Abraham and I made the trip back to Bluffton with my 800 pounds of bags because I am an English major and have 800 pounds of books. When I get to my dorm, I parked right outside (which I have now learned is a CARDINAL SIN at Bluffton) so I wouldn't have to carry the 800 pounds 6 miles uphill bothways from my real parking lot. I drop the mass of bags off, urinate (which took a while because I had a large coffee), and put my laundry in. In the 12 minutes I was away, Bluffton's finest rent-a-cop decided to give me a $35 fine for parking where I wasn't allowed. I WAS LIVID!!! If the dorm had caught on fire and the firetrucks wouldn't have been able to put the fire out because of my car, I would have GLADLY paid the 35 and more. However, I believe I should not have to pay 35 bucks to NOT GET A HERNIA! (PLUS..the bathroom is ALWAYS out of toilet paper, so if I do pay the $35 I better get an unlimited supply of toilet paper...that has nothing to do with the situation but DANG it angers me. What's worse than dropping a load and realizing there's no toilet paper? OOO I KNOW!! Getting a $35 fine after you dropped a load and didn't have any toilet paper!) I go to the Parking Violation Appeal Meeting on April 15th...I'll keep you updated.
And finally, to today. Possibly the BEST DAY EVER!!! Well, best night ever. I got Fazoli's. (You probably don't care, but the cranberry walnut salad is the MOST DELICIOUS salad every. It's like cranberries and walnuts dancing in my belly right now.) Then Colin, my boyfriend, and I hear that DVDs are BOGO at ToysRUs. First, one never needs an excuse to visit ToysRUs, but if there ever way an excuse..it would be BOGO! So guess who got Snow White and Fox and the Hound for $20?!?!?! NOT ME!! I thought about it, but I bought Pocahantas and Pinnochio instead :) WOO! So with berries and nuts dancing in my belly and two Disney classics in my hand, Colin (who bought Ratatouille and Finding Nemo) and I drove Abraham back to Hades...err I mean Bluffton...and there sat the most beautiful, heavenly building in the world. THE WHIPPY DIP. Yes, I got a fat free yogurt with a krunch coat, thanks for asking!!! Gosh, today rocks!
Long story short, this has been a WILD week...thank goodness I have been wearing a helmet. (I lied, I don't like helmets. I have a big right ear, and helmets make it hurt.) I'll try not to not blog for such a long period of time. I like hard candy.
Keep Letting It Be,
Em
First of all, my apologies for such my long absence. However, I feel when you read my adventure of the last couple days you will cut me a little slack. As I mentioned in my dream blog, I was feeling quite under the weather. I diagnosed myself with pnyomia (that's pneumonia for all of you who don't speak the text language of MYBROTHER.) God bless him, but he can't spell. AND he is the asthmatic wussy who gave it to me. Anyways, I had to miss classes and got behind and blogging seemed to fall farther and farther on my list of things to do. (It never got below eating meat though...don't worry.)
Now for the good stuff. There is a lump of flesh, guts, blood, and bones present on this earth that was not present on Monday. My boyfriend's sister gave birth to a new (have you ever heard of a used?) baby girl on Tuesday morning. We, of course, HAD to visit. She was a beautiful small child, and let's be frank (or you can be Joseph or Lyle or even Candace), some small children are really ugly. Kind of like a Hot Pocket right out of the microwave. You gotta let it sit for a bit so it can get to where you actually enjoy it. If you try to enjoy it too soon, GOO!! (awful analogy...but some babies make me want to burn my mouth.) So, this beautiful small child had only one problem....she made this face. The "OH MY GOODNESS WHO FARTED?!?!" face. Which was quite hilarious, but I'm worried about when she gets older. I don't want people to think that she thinks they stink.
As if a new human being wasn't eventful enough, I was then blessed with pnyomia. So being the baby I am, I ventured home (yes, I got picked up from college by MY MOM!). My car, Abraham, has been broken since my trip to Pittsburgh over break, but to my EXTREME ELATION, he was all well when I got home. Abraham and I made the trip back to Bluffton with my 800 pounds of bags because I am an English major and have 800 pounds of books. When I get to my dorm, I parked right outside (which I have now learned is a CARDINAL SIN at Bluffton) so I wouldn't have to carry the 800 pounds 6 miles uphill bothways from my real parking lot. I drop the mass of bags off, urinate (which took a while because I had a large coffee), and put my laundry in. In the 12 minutes I was away, Bluffton's finest rent-a-cop decided to give me a $35 fine for parking where I wasn't allowed. I WAS LIVID!!! If the dorm had caught on fire and the firetrucks wouldn't have been able to put the fire out because of my car, I would have GLADLY paid the 35 and more. However, I believe I should not have to pay 35 bucks to NOT GET A HERNIA! (PLUS..the bathroom is ALWAYS out of toilet paper, so if I do pay the $35 I better get an unlimited supply of toilet paper...that has nothing to do with the situation but DANG it angers me. What's worse than dropping a load and realizing there's no toilet paper? OOO I KNOW!! Getting a $35 fine after you dropped a load and didn't have any toilet paper!) I go to the Parking Violation Appeal Meeting on April 15th...I'll keep you updated.
And finally, to today. Possibly the BEST DAY EVER!!! Well, best night ever. I got Fazoli's. (You probably don't care, but the cranberry walnut salad is the MOST DELICIOUS salad every. It's like cranberries and walnuts dancing in my belly right now.) Then Colin, my boyfriend, and I hear that DVDs are BOGO at ToysRUs. First, one never needs an excuse to visit ToysRUs, but if there ever way an excuse..it would be BOGO! So guess who got Snow White and Fox and the Hound for $20?!?!?! NOT ME!! I thought about it, but I bought Pocahantas and Pinnochio instead :) WOO! So with berries and nuts dancing in my belly and two Disney classics in my hand, Colin (who bought Ratatouille and Finding Nemo) and I drove Abraham back to Hades...err I mean Bluffton...and there sat the most beautiful, heavenly building in the world. THE WHIPPY DIP. Yes, I got a fat free yogurt with a krunch coat, thanks for asking!!! Gosh, today rocks!
Long story short, this has been a WILD week...thank goodness I have been wearing a helmet. (I lied, I don't like helmets. I have a big right ear, and helmets make it hurt.) I'll try not to not blog for such a long period of time. I like hard candy.
Keep Letting It Be,
Em
Monday, March 22, 2010
A Sore Throat and Sweaty Donkeys
Hello My Fellow Americans,
HA! I got you! You thought I was going to blog about the health care bill didn't you? Well, no fear. You won't have to worry about any rants here. It's not because I don't care about our government; I have an American flag sticker on my bicycle. It's because I have 2 cents, you have 2 cents, she has 2 cents, we all have 2 cents. So instead of getting our panties all ruffled, let's just agree to disagree and give all our 2 cents to our country's 23093u84032094 GAZZILLION dollar debt (yes, there is a "u" in the middle of the number; that's how big it is!). Then, we can all just relax and focus on the more important issue at hand...the bad dream I had last night!
I either had a fever last night, or I'm going through menopause. I'm not between the ages of 40-60, I checked webmd...I think it was the fever because I woke up sweating worse than a donkey in a desert (I don't know if donkeys sweat but I KNOW the desert is HOT) around 3 a.m. Once I got over the fact that there was a puddle of perspiration under my back and enough drool on my pillow to do a full drool transplant on another human being, I had a vivid recollection of the dream I had just awaken from.
Here it is....it's not for the faint of heart...
So I'm at a roller rink with my basketball team (well ex basketball team, but we're still friends...that's a whole new story), and we're all having a great time. All of a sudden, a small child on a motor bike runs over one of my teammates and a friend from high school (I don't know where she came from or the motor bike for that matter.) Sadly, they didn't make it. DEATH! After this death, my team was forced to go to my grandma's house. Here, we were informed that there was a plague being spread through green slime. None of us were infected....YET...(insert a "DUN DUN DAHHH") A knock on the door. Coach answers...IT'S A SUITCASE. I'm not sure how the suitcase knocked; it must have been one sweet suitcase. He opened it of course, and green slime exploded out and covered half the team. They became zombies. I was a lucky one and escaped. This is all I remember before drowning in my own sweat...I knew I should have took Nyquil. Sorry, that was kind of a waste of time now that I'm rereading it. But if there are any dream interpreters out there, I would really like some help!
Second matter of business:
I dyed my hair yesterday. This is important because it shows my sheer and utter dedication to this blogging experience. "And how is this, Emily?" "Well my bloggers, it's because I want to look like a writer, smell like a writer, and even taste like a writer!" For some reason, I feel like writers should be gingers, so I'm a semi ginger (translation: I tried to be a ginger, but like everything else in my life, I finished one notch short!!!!..NO I'M NOT HOSTILE!! WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?!?!) Anyways, I also try to wear my glasses frequently..because that's what writers do.
Now, I'm a little ashamed about the smelling thing. I feel like I'm a bit under par because I just love showering and wearing deodorant way too much. Okay, I know writers shower; that was a joke. I just CANNOT figure out what they would smell like. A sunflower, maybe? That's it! I'll carry sunflower seeds in my pocket.
And my vegetarianism can again be explained in that, I feel like a writer should taste like hummus and spinach. So..I eat a hummus sandwich everyday for lunch. And I look up pictures of spinach on the internet and pretend like I'm eating them because I really hate spinach. That way if a cannibal ever runs into me he will think, "MMM tastes like hummus and spinach, she must have been a writer."
So, I just wanted my dedication known. Every time you read this just remember there is a hummus eating, semi-ginger writer who is carrying sunflower seeds in her pocket on the other side of the screen. (I can't see you...don't worry..when I was younger I always thought the people on TV could see me. So I just wanted to reiterate that since I wish someone would have done it for me.)
Keep Letting It Be,
Em
HA! I got you! You thought I was going to blog about the health care bill didn't you? Well, no fear. You won't have to worry about any rants here. It's not because I don't care about our government; I have an American flag sticker on my bicycle. It's because I have 2 cents, you have 2 cents, she has 2 cents, we all have 2 cents. So instead of getting our panties all ruffled, let's just agree to disagree and give all our 2 cents to our country's 23093u84032094 GAZZILLION dollar debt (yes, there is a "u" in the middle of the number; that's how big it is!). Then, we can all just relax and focus on the more important issue at hand...the bad dream I had last night!
I either had a fever last night, or I'm going through menopause. I'm not between the ages of 40-60, I checked webmd...I think it was the fever because I woke up sweating worse than a donkey in a desert (I don't know if donkeys sweat but I KNOW the desert is HOT) around 3 a.m. Once I got over the fact that there was a puddle of perspiration under my back and enough drool on my pillow to do a full drool transplant on another human being, I had a vivid recollection of the dream I had just awaken from.
Here it is....it's not for the faint of heart...
So I'm at a roller rink with my basketball team (well ex basketball team, but we're still friends...that's a whole new story), and we're all having a great time. All of a sudden, a small child on a motor bike runs over one of my teammates and a friend from high school (I don't know where she came from or the motor bike for that matter.) Sadly, they didn't make it. DEATH! After this death, my team was forced to go to my grandma's house. Here, we were informed that there was a plague being spread through green slime. None of us were infected....YET...(insert a "DUN DUN DAHHH") A knock on the door. Coach answers...IT'S A SUITCASE. I'm not sure how the suitcase knocked; it must have been one sweet suitcase. He opened it of course, and green slime exploded out and covered half the team. They became zombies. I was a lucky one and escaped. This is all I remember before drowning in my own sweat...I knew I should have took Nyquil. Sorry, that was kind of a waste of time now that I'm rereading it. But if there are any dream interpreters out there, I would really like some help!
Second matter of business:
I dyed my hair yesterday. This is important because it shows my sheer and utter dedication to this blogging experience. "And how is this, Emily?" "Well my bloggers, it's because I want to look like a writer, smell like a writer, and even taste like a writer!" For some reason, I feel like writers should be gingers, so I'm a semi ginger (translation: I tried to be a ginger, but like everything else in my life, I finished one notch short!!!!..NO I'M NOT HOSTILE!! WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?!?!) Anyways, I also try to wear my glasses frequently..because that's what writers do.
Now, I'm a little ashamed about the smelling thing. I feel like I'm a bit under par because I just love showering and wearing deodorant way too much. Okay, I know writers shower; that was a joke. I just CANNOT figure out what they would smell like. A sunflower, maybe? That's it! I'll carry sunflower seeds in my pocket.
And my vegetarianism can again be explained in that, I feel like a writer should taste like hummus and spinach. So..I eat a hummus sandwich everyday for lunch. And I look up pictures of spinach on the internet and pretend like I'm eating them because I really hate spinach. That way if a cannibal ever runs into me he will think, "MMM tastes like hummus and spinach, she must have been a writer."
So, I just wanted my dedication known. Every time you read this just remember there is a hummus eating, semi-ginger writer who is carrying sunflower seeds in her pocket on the other side of the screen. (I can't see you...don't worry..when I was younger I always thought the people on TV could see me. So I just wanted to reiterate that since I wish someone would have done it for me.)
Keep Letting It Be,
Em
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The Start of Something Wonderful...maybe
Hi,
Today I begin my journey into blogging. I am doing this because a few of my friends have suggested I do a blog because I'm "funny." (But they're writers..so we'll take their opinion for what it's worth). I'm a writer too, which is why this blog makes the most sense...and I think there are a few other tid bits that you should know about me before we venture too deep into my mind. Think of this as your disclaimer. I'm putting this out on the line so just click the pretty, little red "x" in the top-right corner of the screen if you think I'll be a little "too much."
TOP 5 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT EMILY
1) I don't have a gullbladder.
-I know what you're thinking, "Ok. Cool. Plenty of people don't have gullbladders." But you don't understand...I have also torn my PCL (it's a ligament in your knee that's rarely torn), separated/broke two bones in my neck, and torn/sprained/ripped/tickled any bone, ligament, appendage, or follicle you could imagine. This has all been before my 20th birthday. Lady luck and I are not friends. If you broke a mirror with a salt shaker that proceeded to spill everywhere while driving your car under a ladder as a black cat ran in front of you, you would probably still have 6.5 less years of bad luck than me.
2) I am a vegetarian.
-No, I am not a member of PETA. I really don't like animals, especially my own dogs. (Although, I did cry once when I ran over a possum.) I really just HATE the thought of eating something that once had the ability to poop. GROSS! I'm much more of a photosynthesis fan.
3) I am an english and writing major.
-I hated to read in high school, and I REALLY hated to write. Something has sparked me here in college, and I haven't turned back since. I am not mad because of this. Math, I do not miss. I really like to write poetry. As I bet you can already see. woo!
4) I've worked as both a food preparer at McDonalds and as a housekeeper at a hotel.
-You can't gross me out. I have found dehydrated onions down my shirt, I have smelled mustard for 12 hours straight, and I have picked a stranger's hair from a bathtub. OK..I lied...you can gross me out. Vomit...BIGGEST FEAR. If my mom were on fire in front of me, but there was vomit all around her, I don't know if I could save her :( (That might be a stretch, but GOO I hate it.)
5) This is my first time blogging.
-I have a lot of opinions. Sometimes I'm not funny, but I can promise that some WEIRD things happen to me. So I'll just leave it at that...
Keep Letting It Be,
Emily
Today I begin my journey into blogging. I am doing this because a few of my friends have suggested I do a blog because I'm "funny." (But they're writers..so we'll take their opinion for what it's worth). I'm a writer too, which is why this blog makes the most sense...and I think there are a few other tid bits that you should know about me before we venture too deep into my mind. Think of this as your disclaimer. I'm putting this out on the line so just click the pretty, little red "x" in the top-right corner of the screen if you think I'll be a little "too much."
TOP 5 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT EMILY
1) I don't have a gullbladder.
-I know what you're thinking, "Ok. Cool. Plenty of people don't have gullbladders." But you don't understand...I have also torn my PCL (it's a ligament in your knee that's rarely torn), separated/broke two bones in my neck, and torn/sprained/ripped/tickled any bone, ligament, appendage, or follicle you could imagine. This has all been before my 20th birthday. Lady luck and I are not friends. If you broke a mirror with a salt shaker that proceeded to spill everywhere while driving your car under a ladder as a black cat ran in front of you, you would probably still have 6.5 less years of bad luck than me.
2) I am a vegetarian.
-No, I am not a member of PETA. I really don't like animals, especially my own dogs. (Although, I did cry once when I ran over a possum.) I really just HATE the thought of eating something that once had the ability to poop. GROSS! I'm much more of a photosynthesis fan.
3) I am an english and writing major.
-I hated to read in high school, and I REALLY hated to write. Something has sparked me here in college, and I haven't turned back since. I am not mad because of this. Math, I do not miss. I really like to write poetry. As I bet you can already see. woo!
4) I've worked as both a food preparer at McDonalds and as a housekeeper at a hotel.
-You can't gross me out. I have found dehydrated onions down my shirt, I have smelled mustard for 12 hours straight, and I have picked a stranger's hair from a bathtub. OK..I lied...you can gross me out. Vomit...BIGGEST FEAR. If my mom were on fire in front of me, but there was vomit all around her, I don't know if I could save her :( (That might be a stretch, but GOO I hate it.)
5) This is my first time blogging.
-I have a lot of opinions. Sometimes I'm not funny, but I can promise that some WEIRD things happen to me. So I'll just leave it at that...
Keep Letting It Be,
Emily
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