Jenny...The Becoming of a Woman

Friends, Relatives, Kidney Stones, and Colin,

Good news...Jenny is now wearing a bra! Why is this good news you ask...well, it means that I have an eye patch in case I sustain a serious eye injury at home or want to dress up as a pirate for Halloween. It basically looks like two Mcdonalds napkins held together by floss. If I wore it, I would have two black eyes and ten times less dignity, but it's really special to her. It also gives me one more object to grab on to when she is about to get hit by a car in the parking lot of Kroger...I think it really hurts her when I grab her ponytail.

I don't know if I have ever told you, but I LOVE SWEET POTATOES..tos..toes..who knows? I love them for a variety of reasons...1) they are orange..orange vegetables are like little bits of sunshine (I love carrots too!)...2) they are cheap. ONE DOLLAR with my KROGER PLUS CARD!!...3) my brother hates them...so I know they will always be waiting patiently for me on the counter and 4) I CAN SALT THEM. I have developed this odd obsession with salt lately. I literally have a salt shaker in my room....I keep it in my chair. It fell down the cushion yesterday, and I had a small panic attack because I thought it was gone forever. I salt my potatoes..I salt my lean pockets..I salt my grilled cheese...I salt my pajamas...hell I salt my extra salted popcorn! It's probably unhealthy, but so is smoking..and I don't smoke..so I have the slack to salt my salt!

I am entering my last two weeks of Subway...at least of fairly constant work at Subway. For those of you who haven't had a small bite of Heaven, you may want to stop by before the thirteenth (my last day). For those of you who won't be able to stop by or don't live close enough to come to my Subway, I would like to give you rules that you must always hold your sandwich artist to:
1) The cheese slices are friends, not lovers. They should be close to each other...but not so close they overlap. There is NO NEED for an extra cheesy bite in the middle, but no cheese at the ends.
2) For those of you who are vegetarians, the lettuce IS THE MEAT of our subs. That means 2 tablespoons of lettuce does NOT cut it...demand what you deserve!!
3) Jalapenos should NEVER be stacked. Who wants their bumwhole to burn when they digest a double jalapenoed bite?
4) Sauce should be distributed from end to end. Lazy stripes mean bland bites. GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT!! MAYO!!
and most importantly.............
5) Extra means extra. If the artist puts too much on, you can always pick it off. However, very few people have a head of lettuce in their pocket to add more if there is not enough (I carry beets, not lettuce).

Just remember..you are paying 5 dollars...you deserve nothing less than the best.

Keep Letting It Be,
Em