Would you like to share my toasted cheese?

Holla,

I worked today...for the first time in 3 days. O Subway, I missed thee. However, I do have a bit of venting to do. I would like to vent about the patrons I would like to call "Picky, Picky Princesses." Don't get me wrong, I respect and appreciate people who can't stand sauces or lettuce or peppers (I HATE MAYO...if Satan bathes, he uses mayo for soap). These are not the people I am addressing. PPP's are people who think that they deserve the GREATEST veggies on Earth...veggies that grow in the buttcrack of sunshine. I NEVER put pickle or banana pepper butts onto subs, I always toss brown lettuce, and I never use a green tomato...so DON'T YOU DARE criticize the vegetables I do use.

So the most Picky, Picky Princess of them all came in tonight; she is a frequent customer, so I thought I was prepared. Well it turns out she was deemed the Queen of Pickiness before she came in, so she was in rare form tonight. "Your tomatoes look skinny; I think you should get out different ones." "You really skimp on the onions." "Keep the sub on the paper, so I get the vegetables that you dropped off my sub."

OKAY!! First of all, SOMEONE HAS TO GET THE SKINNY TOMATOES!! And sorry mam, today it's you..They taste EXACTLY the same. I'll give you 6 instead of 5..RELAX!! O my bad, I forgot the 11th Commandment was, "Thou shalt not put skinny tomatoes on a sub."

Secondly, I did not SKIMP on your onions. I put the amount I was supposed to! If you would have said "EXTRA", it would have been skimpy. BUT NOOOOO, you were so busy worrying about the "skinny tomatoes" that you forgot to say "EXTRA." "O, OK, you want more onions...HERE is enough onions to fill the void in your heart that causes you to come in and terrorize me!"

Thirdly, if you would have just let me put the "skinny tomatoes" on...your other veggies wouldn't have fallen off :)

I am more than willing to make your sub eating experience comparable to the joy you will feel on your wedding day, but it kind of tickles my pickles when you try to tell me how to do my job. I am the certified sandwich artist..you, Picky Picky Princesses, are simply tomato hating, onion judging, stingymonsters. So if you think I'm being stingy, buy a pig, grow a garden, kill the pig, pick the veggies, watch Jeopardy (that's just a good show), milk a cow full of honey mustard (they make those you know?), mug Aunt Millie, and MAKE YOUR OWN SUB!

Keep Letting It Be,
Em