O hey guys,
Long time no speak! Miss me? That's ok...neither do my dogs when I go to school. Anyways, this blog is going to be of a different format. The beginning will be normal....but the second half will be a bit deeper (more serious Emily), so I understand if you want to quit reading after the lighter half...because the second half may be the equivalent of seeing your mom naked (you probably won't look at me the same after you read it).
So I think I have a disease. I diagnosed myself with KMMPS. It's a horrible disease that interferes with my everyday life. It especially ruins my grocery shopping time. KMMPS is short for, "Kroger Makes Me Poop Syndrome." You see, I will be minding my own business, looking at frozen vegan dinners, and WAM BAM UNCLE SAM..my intestines feel like they are going to explode all over Aisle 8 (thank goodness the toilet paper aisle is right beside the frozen dinner aisle). For a normal human being, this wouldn't be a giant problem...but I also suffer from PBSTHOOMS. "Public Bathrooms Scare The Heck Out Of Me Syndrome," causes me to break out into a cold sweat and sing random show tunes so using the bathroom at Kroger is NOT an option.
Because of this, I can't even pick out my dang meal..I just sprint to produce and grab a sweet potato. Then, I do self check out and book it to my car. Here, the pain begins. You know that feeling when you wait until the LAST possible minute to relieve yourself? Well, I deal with that for about 4.5 minutes because the traffic gods set up the most ANNOYING 3 lights in all of St. Marys on the road to my house. All that stands between me and porcelain relief are traffic lights that are timed so that you must stop at every one of them. I know someone up there is getting a real kick out of watching me have poop trembles at every light. There is, however, always a fitting song on the radio during my misery. Today, it was "Jesus Take the Wheel." Fitting.."Jesus take the wheel. Take if from my hands 'cuz I can't do this on my own. I'm letting go" because I need to hold my pants! God Bless America.
SPOILER ALERT: I'm bout to get surious!!
Life has been sooo turbulent for me the past 2 years or so. I wouldn't trade a second of it for anything because every laugh, every relationship (or lack there of), every tear, and every Marbeck meal (k not TOTALLY serious) has made me the person I am today. Most of you who read this probably know me life you know a Babe Ruth candy bar. I look DELICIOUS and fairly normal on the outside..but inside..I'm NUTS! Basically what I am trying to say is even if you don't think you had an impact on me...you did. And I may not be perfect, I understand that now more than ever, but I'm Emily Eileen Shellabarger. And there isn't a darn person who can be Emily Eileen Shellabarger better! (except for maybe my sister..she does GREAT impressions). I just love you...that's all.
Keep Letting It Be,
Em
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