Hello My Fellow Americans,
HA! I got you! You thought I was going to blog about the health care bill didn't you? Well, no fear. You won't have to worry about any rants here. It's not because I don't care about our government; I have an American flag sticker on my bicycle. It's because I have 2 cents, you have 2 cents, she has 2 cents, we all have 2 cents. So instead of getting our panties all ruffled, let's just agree to disagree and give all our 2 cents to our country's 23093u84032094 GAZZILLION dollar debt (yes, there is a "u" in the middle of the number; that's how big it is!). Then, we can all just relax and focus on the more important issue at hand...the bad dream I had last night!
I either had a fever last night, or I'm going through menopause. I'm not between the ages of 40-60, I checked webmd...I think it was the fever because I woke up sweating worse than a donkey in a desert (I don't know if donkeys sweat but I KNOW the desert is HOT) around 3 a.m. Once I got over the fact that there was a puddle of perspiration under my back and enough drool on my pillow to do a full drool transplant on another human being, I had a vivid recollection of the dream I had just awaken from.
Here it is....it's not for the faint of heart...
So I'm at a roller rink with my basketball team (well ex basketball team, but we're still friends...that's a whole new story), and we're all having a great time. All of a sudden, a small child on a motor bike runs over one of my teammates and a friend from high school (I don't know where she came from or the motor bike for that matter.) Sadly, they didn't make it. DEATH! After this death, my team was forced to go to my grandma's house. Here, we were informed that there was a plague being spread through green slime. None of us were infected....YET...(insert a "DUN DUN DAHHH") A knock on the door. Coach answers...IT'S A SUITCASE. I'm not sure how the suitcase knocked; it must have been one sweet suitcase. He opened it of course, and green slime exploded out and covered half the team. They became zombies. I was a lucky one and escaped. This is all I remember before drowning in my own sweat...I knew I should have took Nyquil. Sorry, that was kind of a waste of time now that I'm rereading it. But if there are any dream interpreters out there, I would really like some help!
Second matter of business:
I dyed my hair yesterday. This is important because it shows my sheer and utter dedication to this blogging experience. "And how is this, Emily?" "Well my bloggers, it's because I want to look like a writer, smell like a writer, and even taste like a writer!" For some reason, I feel like writers should be gingers, so I'm a semi ginger (translation: I tried to be a ginger, but like everything else in my life, I finished one notch short!!!!..NO I'M NOT HOSTILE!! WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?!?!) Anyways, I also try to wear my glasses frequently..because that's what writers do.
Now, I'm a little ashamed about the smelling thing. I feel like I'm a bit under par because I just love showering and wearing deodorant way too much. Okay, I know writers shower; that was a joke. I just CANNOT figure out what they would smell like. A sunflower, maybe? That's it! I'll carry sunflower seeds in my pocket.
And my vegetarianism can again be explained in that, I feel like a writer should taste like hummus and spinach. So..I eat a hummus sandwich everyday for lunch. And I look up pictures of spinach on the internet and pretend like I'm eating them because I really hate spinach. That way if a cannibal ever runs into me he will think, "MMM tastes like hummus and spinach, she must have been a writer."
So, I just wanted my dedication known. Every time you read this just remember there is a hummus eating, semi-ginger writer who is carrying sunflower seeds in her pocket on the other side of the screen. (I can't see you...don't worry..when I was younger I always thought the people on TV could see me. So I just wanted to reiterate that since I wish someone would have done it for me.)
Keep Letting It Be,
Em
Emily, oh my gosh, I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! If you're ever famous, I'm gonna tell everyone I know, "I'm Emily's blogging buddy, BIATCH! Yeah. THAT'S RIGHT!" And then I'll do the Z-Snap in their face. BAM.
ReplyDeleteHope you're feeling better! You didn't miss much in poetry. We definitely could have used your "breaking the awkward silence" commentary, though. There were quite a few of those "awkward silence" moments.
Also, I completely agree with you on that writers should be gingers. I think it's because I've always associate gingers as witty, cheeky people...which are usually words to describe writers as well. AMIRIGHT? I've been thinking of going a deep mahogany... Eh?
Well, I am not ginger, nor do I wear glasses, nor do I smell like sunflower seeds... although I have been told by both Sasquatch and She-Sam that I smell like tree bark, so you can take that for what it's worth.
ReplyDeleteAs for your dream... my only answer is that you recently had a cold/have one now/will have one in the future. All that green slime and all...