Fresh From the Uterus

Greetings those who have nothing better to do but read what I'm thinking,

First of all, my apologies for such my long absence. However, I feel when you read my adventure of the last couple days you will cut me a little slack. As I mentioned in my dream blog, I was feeling quite under the weather. I diagnosed myself with pnyomia (that's pneumonia for all of you who don't speak the text language of MYBROTHER.) God bless him, but he can't spell. AND he is the asthmatic wussy who gave it to me. Anyways, I had to miss classes and got behind and blogging seemed to fall farther and farther on my list of things to do. (It never got below eating meat though...don't worry.)
Now for the good stuff. There is a lump of flesh, guts, blood, and bones present on this earth that was not present on Monday. My boyfriend's sister gave birth to a new (have you ever heard of a used?) baby girl on Tuesday morning. We, of course, HAD to visit. She was a beautiful small child, and let's be frank (or you can be Joseph or Lyle or even Candace), some small children are really ugly. Kind of like a Hot Pocket right out of the microwave. You gotta let it sit for a bit so it can get to where you actually enjoy it. If you try to enjoy it too soon, GOO!! (awful analogy...but some babies make me want to burn my mouth.) So, this beautiful small child had only one problem....she made this face. The "OH MY GOODNESS WHO FARTED?!?!" face. Which was quite hilarious, but I'm worried about when she gets older. I don't want people to think that she thinks they stink.
As if a new human being wasn't eventful enough, I was then blessed with pnyomia. So being the baby I am, I ventured home (yes, I got picked up from college by MY MOM!). My car, Abraham, has been broken since my trip to Pittsburgh over break, but to my EXTREME ELATION, he was all well when I got home. Abraham and I made the trip back to Bluffton with my 800 pounds of bags because I am an English major and have 800 pounds of books. When I get to my dorm, I parked right outside (which I have now learned is a CARDINAL SIN at Bluffton) so I wouldn't have to carry the 800 pounds 6 miles uphill bothways from my real parking lot. I drop the mass of bags off, urinate (which took a while because I had a large coffee), and put my laundry in. In the 12 minutes I was away, Bluffton's finest rent-a-cop decided to give me a $35 fine for parking where I wasn't allowed. I WAS LIVID!!! If the dorm had caught on fire and the firetrucks wouldn't have been able to put the fire out because of my car, I would have GLADLY paid the 35 and more. However, I believe I should not have to pay 35 bucks to NOT GET A HERNIA! (PLUS..the bathroom is ALWAYS out of toilet paper, so if I do pay the $35 I better get an unlimited supply of toilet paper...that has nothing to do with the situation but DANG it angers me. What's worse than dropping a load and realizing there's no toilet paper? OOO I KNOW!! Getting a $35 fine after you dropped a load and didn't have any toilet paper!) I go to the Parking Violation Appeal Meeting on April 15th...I'll keep you updated.
And finally, to today. Possibly the BEST DAY EVER!!! Well, best night ever. I got Fazoli's. (You probably don't care, but the cranberry walnut salad is the MOST DELICIOUS salad every. It's like cranberries and walnuts dancing in my belly right now.) Then Colin, my boyfriend, and I hear that DVDs are BOGO at ToysRUs. First, one never needs an excuse to visit ToysRUs, but if there ever way an excuse..it would be BOGO! So guess who got Snow White and Fox and the Hound for $20?!?!?! NOT ME!! I thought about it, but I bought Pocahantas and Pinnochio instead :) WOO! So with berries and nuts dancing in my belly and two Disney classics in my hand, Colin (who bought Ratatouille and Finding Nemo) and I drove Abraham back to Hades...err I mean Bluffton...and there sat the most beautiful, heavenly building in the world. THE WHIPPY DIP. Yes, I got a fat free yogurt with a krunch coat, thanks for asking!!! Gosh, today rocks!
Long story short, this has been a WILD week...thank goodness I have been wearing a helmet. (I lied, I don't like helmets. I have a big right ear, and helmets make it hurt.) I'll try not to not blog for such a long period of time. I like hard candy.

Keep Letting It Be,
Em